In Your Family
The following information is provided with the intent to help married couples who struggle with time commitments to each other. If that includes you or someone you know please feel free to read or print this information.
I was talking with my son recently. He is married to a good wife and has two sweet little girls, one three-years-old and the other five-years-old. He also has a good job and works hard at it. But, when he comes home in the evening he isn't ready to sit down and do nothing. Instead, he has several hobbies that he likes to pursue.
During this recent conversation I mentioned that I had a need for my welder which he had borrowed. He needed it to improve upon the functionality of the rig he uses when he goes four-wheeling. Four-wheeling is probably his most favorite hobby. But it also takes its toll on the vehicle he uses. There is always something to repair after returning from a trip up into the wilderness where the only means of travel is up a river-bed or slope of rocks.
He apologized for not having returned the welder. He wasn't finished with the project, even though he had borrowed it several weeks ago. So, I asked what was taking him so long and the answer he gave prompted me to elaborate to him upon the subject I am about to discuss with you. It has to do with budgeting.
Now, I didn't preach to my son about saving his money so he could buy his own welder because I wasn't talking about budgeting money. Instead, I gave him some useful suggestions about how to budget his time. And if you know anything about budgeting money you also recognize that living within that budget keeps you out of a lot of trouble. It eventually can be said that living within a budget will make you much happier than going beyond the limits of that budget, or, even living with no budget at all.
The very same thing is true of budgeting the time that God has given you each day, each week, each month, etc. Time is much like money. It can even be exchanged for money, and money exchanged for time. They both have value and once either is spent it can never be spent again. Once it is gone it is not possible to retrieve. And, so, budgeting your time will eventually make you a much happier person, just the same as budgeting your money.
What is TIME anyway? To find a biblical answer to that question we must look at the book of Genesis.
Genesis 1:14 - 19
And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
First, we find in this passage of Genesis that the sun, moon and stars are put in place for a reason: They are there for us to recognize and utilize the time we have to live upon this earth. We are given (or budgeted) days, and seasons, and years. Don't lose thought of that as we will be returning to this idea later.
Secondly, we know from this passage that this budgeting of our days and seasons and years is performed by the rotation of this planet and by its revolving motion around the sun as well as the moon's revolving motion around the earth.
Here we have the basis for the concept we know of as time. So, let's look at the time we call one year. How do we measure a year? It is the time it takes for the earth to revolve all the way around the sun and come back to its starting point. While the earth makes one circle around the sun it also rotates on its axis approximately 364-1/4 times. Each of these rotations is known to us as one day. But, let's examine what makes up one year.
If the earth sat in one spot and rotated instead of revolving around the sun we would have nothing known as a year. The days would just go by and we would never have any birthdays. There are probably some women who would like that idea. But, in order to measure a year of time the earth needs to be moving through space.
In fact, there is a formula for this. It is a formula that we are all aware of, especially after receiving a speeding ticket. It's a formula that we casually call miles per hour. Speed is measured in miles per hour. The word “per” comes from the Latin, meaning “through.” For instance, when we eat watermelon we use a knife to slice through it. When we slice through a watermelon we are dividing it. Likewise, in our miles per hour formula the word “per” means “divided by.”
Thus the formula: Speed = miles / hours.
If we travel 35 miles in 1 hour, we divide 35 by 1 to calculate our speed. The speed comes out to 35. Let's say we drive 100 miles in 4 hours. 100 (miles) divided by 4(hours) equals 25. Our speed is 25.
The important thing to notice here is the time value (hour). Time is part of the formula. Now, if you have taken algebra you know all about transposing formulas. If you haven't taken algebra I envy you. But, we can transpose any algebraic formula in order to calculate any unknown value included within its makeup. To make a long story short we can rewrite this formula as follows:
Time (hour) = miles (distance) / speed (movement)
or,
Time = Distance / Movement
As you can see, God has designed our universe and our solar system with everything in motion so that we can use His tools to measure what we know of as Time.
But does He expect us to budget our time? That's fairly easy to answer when we look at some of the examples of how He has used and is still using time.
The whole creation event in Genesis was brought about through the budgeting of time.
Day 1: God created the heavens and the earth
Day 2: God created the firmament and divided it
Day 3: God created dry land, the seas and vegetation
Day 4: God created the sun, the moon and the stars.
Day 5: God created the living creatures in the water and birds of the air
Day 6: God created air-breathing animals and He created man
Day 7: God rested
Here we have a perfect example of budgeting time. It is our first example and is probably given to us as an example that we should try to follow. If you will notice, the measurement of the year is based upon the earth's revolving around the sun. The original measurement of a month is based upon the cycle of the moon. And, of course the measurement of the seasons is based upon the position of the earth in relation to its revolution around the sun.
But it is interesting that there is nothing around us to govern the length of a week. The week has no relationship with the earth's position in the heavens. It has no relationship to where the moon happens to be. Yet we live our day-to-day lives totally governed by which day of the week it happens to be.
God provided us with the template and we have followed it for thousands of years now. If that is our template for life why not use it as a template for budgeting our time.
Before continuing let's examine some of the other time-budgeting approaches that God has used throughout the history of mankind. For instance, consider all of the prophets of the old testament. How many prophesies did these men proclaim in their lifetimes? Hundreds and hundreds of them have already been fulfilled and there are still many more yet to be fulfilled.
And when we examine these prophesies we discover that God has laid out a plan for the history of mankind that is based upon the original seven-day week:
Approximately 4000 years of generations leading up to the birth of Jesus Christ.
Approximately 2000 years of generations between his ascension and His second coming.
Approximately 1000 years of perfect peace on earth before the final judgment.
Tota: 7000 years.
The old testament prophets foretold of many happenings which have taken place just as they described them. In most cases they didn't know exactly when these prophesies would be fulfilled but as we look back from where we stand in time we can easily see the pattern. This pattern is based upon His original template of the week: A seven-day system of organization. He used it to create the earth in seven days and he has laid it out again throughout history in what we have known to be years, but are as the same as days to Him.
2nd Peter 3:8
But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
OK, I hope you can see the pattern God uses when He budgets time. Now, let's get back to what I started to say at the beginning of all this . . . about budgeting . . . about budgeting our time.
You see, my son's excuse for not having finished his welding project was that his wife just didn't appreciate all the time he was spending out in his shop every evening. She missed him being in the house with her and the girls. She, like every woman in the world, needs to feel like she has a companion, or partner, or friend, or . . . well, I'm a guy so I have difficulty coming up with the right words but here's the bottom line: She wanted him to spend more time with her and less time with the welder. So, after a long string of evenings sitting in the living room waiting, while he was out welding away in his shop, and probably, after being as sweet as possible and trying to supply as many subtle hints as she could think up, she finally laid it on the line and said, “NO MORE!”
I don't know for sure if that's how it went but I do know from experience that it is probably a pretty close estimation. She was unhappy. Now, he is unhappy. And, although he may be staying in the house and sitting in the living room with her every evening, the odds are that neither of them is really as happy as they would like. And, I'm not even happy without my welder. So, what can be done to change all that?
I suspect there are many, many young families out there that are experiencing something of the same dilemma. The husband is eager to reach some kind of goal in his life (Guys are goal oriented). The wife is frustrated because her husband never spends time with her like he used to (Gals are “relationship” oriented). The situation is even frustrated further by the fact that in today's culture the wife usually has to work at some full or part-time job on top of all of the household duties as well as attending to the children. And it's a sad fact that most of us guys are unintentionally blind to what is going on in our families. We lack the sensitivity to see the time-pressure and frustration that our wives are facing.
So, I provide the following suggestion with the hope that it will help each member of every family out there to use the time God has given us to be a blessing to each other and, ultimately to please Him.
Please allow me to use some of my experience as an example. I must admit that I didn't have a day-by-day schedule to follow throughout the week. That would have been a better plan but I never recognized the need for it at the time. I am sure my sweet wife may have appreciated it more if I would have budgeted my time better. But, as she will confirm when asked, I am too far from perfect to even have all the pieces of the puzzle facing right-side-up. But, here is the schedule (budget) we generally followed.
The first day of the week, as you may know, is Sunday. Because I was working in a Christian ministry while my family was young, Sundays were a busy day for me. Our church had a morning and evening Sunday service and I was active in both. I taught a primary Sunday school class in the morning and always ran the public address system in the evening service. I usually stayed up most of the night before because our church had a large fleet of Sunday school busses and someone was assigned to stay at the church each night in order to prevent the theft of gasoline from their tanks. I usually stayed at the church on Saturday nights. So, between services I usually did a lot of napping on Sunday. I can recall trying to keep my eyes open while watching an afternoon football game and eventually waking up to the second game of a double-header.
Monday evenings were supposed to be family night. I would sometimes watch football and sometimes work in my little shop. Having been an industrial arts teacher in the past, you may be able to see that I enjoyed spending time building things, overhauling engines, and tinkering. My son very often accompanied me to the shop. He started that habit while he was still in diapers.
There were many Monday nights when I would take my daughter on what we called a date. She liked to go to the mall and take one or two of her friends along.
Nearly every Tuesday afternoon I would take my two children out Palling Around. That's the term we used because my son and I felt kind of dumb calling our time together a date. My occupation at the time was managing a Christian radio station. I ran the sign-on shift on the week-days which meant I was usually off duty around 1:00 PM or so. My wife was involved in a Tuesday afternoon ministry and that meant our children would end up in the church nursery, or, when they got older, just hanging around the church. So, every Tuesday I would take them out to do something fun (for them). We always made it a point to shop at the Good Will store and pay a visit to the golden arches. Those two stops were a “must.” But I also tried to find other things to do that they would enjoy. We would usually return home around dinner time - about the same time as my wife was finishing with her duties.
Wednesday evenings we attended the mid-week service at the church. I also ran the P.A. system during that time.
Thursdays and Fridays were left unplanned. In my spare time I would usually be doing something in my shop. My wife has always been very good at crafts and sewing so she also enjoyed working away at whatever it was she had as a project at the time.
Saturday mornings found me at a men's breakfast each week and my wife would operate the radio station. The rest of that day was usually open until around 6:00 PM. That's when a small group of motorcycle riders, with their wives, would gather in our back yard. The size of the group varied from week to week, weather permitting. There would usually be three or four couples that rode together. Sometimes we had as many as eight or nine couples or singles gather for the ride on a nice summer evening. My wife and I had a lot of fun and fellowship together with that group, week after week.
That was our weekly schedule. As loosely planned as it was, it provided me the opportunity to spend time with my wife and children on an individual basis and on a fairly regular schedule. It also provided me with enough time to do the things I wanted to do. What I am trying to show through this example is that I and the members of my family were able to find time to do the things we liked doing without frustrating the needs of the other members.
I didn't mind not being able to do what I wanted to do Tuesday afternoon because I knew there was a time built into our budget when I would be able to do what I wanted to do.
My children knew that Dad would be spending time with them often. And my wife was generally included in all of the fun times I spent with my friends.
If I could go back and make some changes I'm sure I would probably budget our time a little tighter than I did. I think my wife may have appreciated a tighter budget also. She is a good, good wife and I know now that I took that goodness for granted more back then much more than I should have. And, if you don't have a budget for your time, the day may come when you have many more regrets than I.
So, in conclusion, let me give you a suggestion for a weekly time budget. You can adjust it to better suit your schedule and the needs of your family. But get started right away and set up a budget in order to spend time with each member of your family doing what they want to do during that time allotment.
Sample Weekly Time Budget
Sunday: Take the family to church. Try to make it a day of rest. Most likely everybody, including the kids will start a new week tomorrow. The so-called “Busy Schedule” meets you face-to-face early Monday morning.
Monday: Family night. Try to involve the entire family in some activity. If that isn't possible, spend time with one of the members of the family on an individual basis.
Tuesday: Sweet-heart night. Husband and wife spend time together. Work on a project together or go somewhere together - maybe even a date.
Wednesday: Many churches have a mid-week service. You may be involved in a life group. If yours isn't on Wednesday swap this part of the budget with the evening when those activities take place.
Thursday: The evening when each person is free to pursue their favorite pastime. Call it activity night or hobby night but leave it open for Dad and Mom to have their own fun.
Friday: Flex-night. There are so many things that take place on Friday evenings that it would be foolish to try and lock the family members into some scheduled activity, especially as the children grow into their teen years.
Saturday: Many folks have the week-end off from work but some folks are scheduled to work. Try to make this a day of agreement if there is free time available. For instance, this week Dad agrees to work on a project that Mom has been needing help with. But, next week Mom agrees to follow Dad in an activity he enjoys.
It is not a bad idea to spend Saturday evening as a family, together in some sort of planned activity.
If you love your family please take the time to sit down with your spouse and come up with a budget you can both accept. God's blessings often come when we do our best to be as much like Him or His Son as we possibly can. We will never attain that level of perfection but I promise you that any father, whether earthly or heavenly, smiles big when he recognizes his children imitating him.
By the way, don't forget to include the Lord in your budget planning. He can give you a lot of good ideas if you will just listen.